A chart I stumbled across highlighting the ways men use certain tactics to keep a woman in an abusive situation, while, in some cases, managing to convince her that the situation is not abusive.



Purple, gray, pale yellow, green and pink are ones I witnessed -frequently- when I lived at Cherry Point, and almost every one of the women it was happening to refused to admit a problem was occurring, or, as the chart slices suggest, simply read back his rhetoric: "I brought it on myself because I did/said _____," "He's right, I should be home watching the kids," "A woman cheated on him before we got married, so he has every right to feel jealous."

It's been confused over the years that unless what's going on in the dark pink and dark yellow sections are going on in your home, that you're not experiencing abuse worthy of seeking help.

No, no and no. I'd love to see this wind up in many hands around Cherry Point! Some of you, I know, are still friends with women in these kinds of relationships; I hope you'll let them know they can talk to you if necessary, and when they talk, don't -just- listen. Express clearly that it isn't right, not if he's a Marine, not if he's been cheated on, not if he's insecure. It's just not right, and she doesn't have to take it.

/end PSA rant 

I luvvv youuuu 

I love you back, baaaaybee. =D 

OH ALSO CONGRATS AND YOU LOOKED HOT IN YOUR GOWN, OKAY? 

Spank you very much ;0) 

This wheel is what solidified for me that I was in an abusive marriage. My ex husband meets each and every one of these things. 

Happy for you, Karn! Luckily, you aren't the only one. It's definitely something more people need to see in our country, need to understand. We've convinced ourselves that so many things aren't problematic when they are, whether from fear or from routine. 

I'm right there with you Noel. I am one that says something about it to friends... and then I don't hear from them again until I harass them. I've brought it up multiple times with some friends. It's never pretty. And I always tell myself - Okay, she doesn't care, she doesn't want to hear it and I am not going to bring it up again. But then. I do. I can't help it. 

I don't think this wheel is stupid at all. 

You know how some people are really good with helping other people see through their problems, but totally suck at figuring out their own?

This wheel is geared towards helping out those kinds of people who have a hard time sorting out their own issues, (most likely due to being abused and put down and being made to think they are crazy, stupid, etc) 

I think women ask for it when they allow it to happen.

Completely ignorant. 

^^^ yep 

I'm right there with you Noel. I am one that says something about it to friends... and then I don't hear from them again until I harass them. I've brought it up multiple times with some friends. It's never pretty. And I always tell myself - Okay, she doesn't care, she doesn't want to hear it and I am not going to bring it up again. But then. I do. I can't help it.

Exactly as it should be, even if it's the most frustrating thing in the world. Sometimes, you can't help wanting to wash your hands of a person who you can't get through to, but when you know they've been programmed by undeniable psychology into the way they think it just becomes impossible not to stay involved. And, sometimes, you do see your efforts pay off! As far as I'm concerned, helping one single woman understand that she deserves better to the point she finally leaves is worth a lifetime of trying and failing at it. 

For me, we had gotten together when I was SO young (right before I turned 16) and impressionable. He slowly but surely eroded my self esteem and self confidence. By the time he hit me physically for the first time I actually THOUGHT I deserved it.
It was like he manipulated my brain into making me think I'm crazy.
This 'stupid wheel' was the thing, a year ago next month, that set off a lightbulb in my head telling me I was justified in thinking I was in a bad situation.